Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
