the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
