The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
