I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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