Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
