I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
