Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
