Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
