sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
