I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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