im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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