after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
