the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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