these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
