there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm just crazy horny about you
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
