There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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