If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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