we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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