Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
ttyl tear gas
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
