I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
