By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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