May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
