1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize