the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
