all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize