I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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