yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
