sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
