Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
