you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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