guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
