dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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