Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
