perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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