Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
