nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
