Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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