I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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