this beer tastes like vomit already
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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