I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
