So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
