She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
