its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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