my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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