so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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