i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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