You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
