she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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