So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
