I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
