y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
