shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
