when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize